Day 1 Ann Arbor to Madison, WI-
We finally get moved out of the house and I begin the first of many "discussions" about the deposit and damages with my landlord. My personal favorite moment is when he threatens to go to the JAG(military lawyer) over my plan to withhold rent until we come to an agreement about damages as he was not on hand to do a walkthrough with me. He's set to lose a ton of money on the house when he finally does sell it, which I would feel bad about if he wasn't such a flaming asshole about it. Those of you still in Michigan if you hear about a fire at my old house I want you to know two things:
1. We have no possessions or any interest remaining at the house and 2. My landlord totally caused it to get the insurance money.
I first pack the car without putting the Dogs in a soft sided crate as I figure they'd appreciate not being cramped for the whole drive. Sierra immediately teaches me the error of my ways by climbing to the top of the baggage pile within the first fifteen minutes of the drive. We try leashing her up which only works to ensure she pulls the whole baggage structure down when she jumps down after climbing to the top of it. Finally I decide that I would rather be evil than have my car get destroyed by an insane lab and put both dogs into one crate. This works to keep them (mostly) in the same place and after three days we finally settle on a packing system that works. The rest of the day passes without incident either good or bad(although if Chicago traffic is that bad at noon on a Wednesday I believe the city is now beyond hope) and we arrive in Madison and stay at the home of a family friend.
Day 2 Madison, WI to Alexandria, MN
Wearing a Michigan shirt in Wisconsin is really fun! although it does damage my image of the state being filled with genial giants whose diets consist only of beer and cheese. Unfortunately it's hard to respond to any crap-talking as the damn Badgers tend to do this annoying winning thing when they play Michigan. We get to Megan's cousins house in Minnesota and discover that it's on a lake. Logan is course in love with it and heads immediately down to the house dock and will not go back up to the house no matter what. For those of you without kids remember that Logan has been in the car for about eight hours and talking him into doing anything is closer to a pitched battle than a reasoned discussion. Eventually you just get tired of fighting them and let them do what they want as long as it's not harming anything. I take a beer down with me and realize there are worse things in the world than drinking a beer on the lake while watching your son. Megan's relatives come over for a barbecue and suddenly there's a group of people who are more than happy to watch Logan, this makes me happy as it allows me to go back to the house and get more beer. Eventually fishing rods get broken out and I try to teach Logan how to fish, but amazingly he doesn't have the patience for it and I have to have a big fight with him when I get tired of it and put the pole back. Before bed we make s'mores over an open fire and I'm now tempted to get a genetic test to make sure Logan really is Megans and my son as he doesn't like them.
Day 3 Alexandria, MN to Bismarck, ND
I wake up screaming as I realize that I will be setting foot once again in North Dakota. After taking approximately fifty horse tranquilizers I am calm enough to contemplate setting foot in this worst of all states again. The journey starts without incident and continues until I discover a fun fact, when the range display on the Honda Odyssey says fifty miles it really means around 10. Somehow we find a small gas station about three miles off the highway and coast into it on fumes. Even better is the fact that we're in a huge thunderstorm and there is no cover over the pumps. Basically this means I get to pump gas while getting completely soaked and I get back in the van looking like I'd decided to jump in a lake with my clothes on. Megan asks if I'm okay, but my teeth are chattering too hard to reply.
A few hours later the sun is shining and Logan announces he has to go to the bathroom, a quick look around shows approximately fuck-all for bathrooms nearby and so we pull off to the side of the road and I teach Logan the manly art of the roadside pee. This is now tied with teaching him how to operate a keg as my proudest moment as a father. Logan is so impressed by his new ability that he does it everyday for the rest of the trip. We get into Bismarck and I discover that, based off their reactions to a Michigan hat, people in North Dakota are still not over the loss in the Frozen Four. We take Logan to the hotel pool to get him some time to swim and get some exercise and there is a black tie party in the nearby ballroom for a shriners/masons/grand order of fraternal douchebags gathering. The bartender doesn't buy my story about being in town for the convention and I am unable to score any free drinks, this may be because I was wearing a swimsuit at the time.
Day 4 Bismarck, ND to Billings, MT
Apparently there is a statue of a giant cow in the middle of nowhere in North Dakota, I know this because it is a tradition in Megan's family to stop and take a picture in front of it. We find said Giant Cow and go up to get our picture taken. This is something of a tourist hotspot as three other cars are there, said cars are also filled with parents desperate to distract their kids and get them some exercise. Learn a lesson here, if you want to make money build a giant thing in North Dakota and charge a buck a car to visit it. It's a money machine, I tell you, a money machine. We get to Megan's cousins place in Billings and the effects of long days in the car on Logan are getting more and more obvious. In an attempt to burn off some of his energy Megan's cousin and I take him kite flying, which like fishing is another thing that sounded better in theory than in practice, Logan has more fun chasing the jackrabbits in the field.
Day 5 Billings, MT to Coeur D'Alene, ID
Long day(515 miles) and Montana is COLD for this day of driving. Luckily I now live in Michigan and refer to 40' as "shorts weather". About an hour out of Billings we start to hit the mountains and the scenery is beautiful. It really makes for a great day of driving, except for one litte thing. Megan has a tendency to fall asleep the moment she gets in the passenger seat and then becomes startled awake by lane changes, speed changes, rough bits of road, swerving a little too much, temperature changes in the car, etc.
This leads to the following conversation every damn time:
Megan: Ahhh!!! Ahhh!!! Are you okay?!
Me: Yes, honey
Megan
Me: Yes, honey.
Since we're I-90 through the mountains we have this conversation approx. 50,000 times. We get to our hotel, meet with Megan's brother, sister-in-law and three nieces. We take the kids to the pool and have a great time until the greater Montana meth dealers association decides to come join us. Normally, I count White Trash as my people but I do require they have teeth and wear something besides ratty street clothes while swimming. Fearing a driveby we retreat back to our room and call it a night.
Day 6 Billings, MT to Bend, OR
Nice pleasant day on the road with nothing really interesting happening. I'm here in Bend until Monday and it's really pleasant to wake up in the same place two days in a row. We've been walking the dogs twice a day and generally settling in to relax as much as possible. I've started running again after a two-week hiatus and as embarassing as this is for a son of the high desert Elko, NV(elevation 5,066 ft) and graduate of the Air Force Academy(elevation 7,258 ft.) running at 4000 ft is really f'ing hard and I'm ending every run thinking one though and one thought only "Oxygen!". Hope everyone is having a great sumer I've enjoyed seeing updates and reading/hearing about your adventures. I wish I could send out a more personal message, but this is a lot to type and frankly Logan wants to go to the pool, so duty calls.
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